Good night, stranger…

Last night as I lay in bed dreaming of you, I ran my own hand over my bare shoulder and down my arm as some sort of telepathic experiment in which I imagined that you could feel me….because you are me. Or maybe, you reside in me…..because you’re always somehow with me….on my travels, during walks, and before I slip into a quiet slumber each night.

Can I ever love myself as I should…..as I love you? Can I feel the soft imperfect surface of my skin as you would feel it? Can I see this vessel in which I dwell with your eyes and grow to love it as I often love this rejected and beautiful soul of mine….of yours?

We are the same, you and me. We are one. If I am to love you, shouldn’t I love myself first? How can I not? And how can you not love yourself first if you are to love me?

My hand continued to my own face, where I touched it like it was new….and still as familiar as an old friend. I touched gently, at first, with my fingers….and then lay my whole hand along the side of my own face. My other hand followed and as I looked into my own eyes, I could no longer tell us apart…..you and me.

Connection established.

Without thinking, I withdrew my hands so that I may, too, touch you as you had me. There you were….your form….a shadowy silhouette just in front of me. My fingers reached out timidly and I hesitated….afraid to touch. And then….I pulled back….almost overtaken by the depth of emotion flowing inside me.

It’s not yet time, I thought. I’m so afraid. But still, I wondered…..I wanted to know….to be sure. Who are you?

I tried again. I began to run my fingers over my neck….my throat….my chin. And then I did it. I reached out to you once more. I made contact. My fingers touched the coarse growth of hair along your jaw…..taking in your tender strength…..somewhere within your quiet shell. Continuing to cautiously and curiously explore, my fingers made their way to your chin and your form became, for a second, more clear.

How wonderful. A discovery. You have a little bit of a notch in your chin. I didn’t know….

The next second, I was snapped back into the room where I lay.

Connection lost.

Good night, stranger. Until we meet again….