So out of my control…

Busch Stadium….opening day. I’m excited. I get to spend the day off work with my kids watching the Cards do what they do. And then, I could have sworn I saw you on the field playing for the other team…..and later, in line at the concession stand. But it wasn’t you. It was just someContinue reading “So out of my control…”

Maybe you…

Projects…..I’ve been happily buried in them since my hiatus from my seasonal job commenced mid-April. I did, however, take a week to vacation in Key Largo with my mother at the end of the month. A wonderful and meaningful time spent…..although, I do believe we were driving each other a bit crazy the last dayContinue reading “Maybe you…”

Quite special, indeed…

I don’t know that I was born a warrior. Maybe I was, but I was so full of fear in my early years, that I don’t know that it was immediately evident. Perhaps it was hiding…..in my endless hope and refusal to give up…..or in my willingness to befriend and go to bat for theContinue reading “Quite special, indeed…”

Maybe I can be surprised again…

Like many people just trying to find their way, I make choices that sometimes don’t make a lot of sense to others…..and sometimes, I’m not the best person or as “perfect” as people think. Perhaps I tried to be too “mature” and emotionally well-adjusted at an early age…..seeing how trust encourages trust…..wanting to treat peopleContinue reading “Maybe I can be surprised again…”

Only love has value here…

For months now, I’ve been sitting on some thoughts about which path to take moving forward. I haven’t been stagnant, exactly. I’ve just been taking in “data” as needed in the understanding that it will eventually lead me to some sort of conclusion about the matter. Such is my way. I’m an observer, first…..of externalContinue reading “Only love has value here…”

Not the writer here…

After a few months hiatus, I feel like sharing some of what I’ve been going through in my little world. For starters, I visited a friend in North Carolina the month of November, which did not end well…..and finally led to me completely cutting ties with her after returning to Illinois. I believe the badContinue reading “Not the writer here…”

You may think…

You may think I’m the same as all of the others….. But I’m not…..because you’re not, and I recognized you in a moment. And although I was initially reluctant, I gave in. I surrendered. The first night. The second and third. After months of not knowing what was to come…..when the realization first struck. IContinue reading “You may think…”

I want to be…

I want to be your favorite book. I want you to run your fingers and hands over my pages, memorizing every line…..and while other people will never take the time to read me, I want you to never put me on a shelf where I can collect dust. I’m a first edition, first printing, andContinue reading “I want to be…”

A thousand funerals…

At some point during my marital separation in 2008, my (now late) husband accused me of lacking commitment. I didn’t quite see it the same way, considering I felt like I had lived in figurative and literal hell for the better part of 15 years…..but the accusation did make me question whether I could loveContinue reading “A thousand funerals…”

Otherworldly things…

I don’t remember exactly when the universe or greater unknown began leaving me feathers, but I’m guessing maybe 20 years ago or so. I was still married then with young children……all made up of non-stop energy that left me little reprieve. And yet, I stole moments here and there, reading and studying. And better yet,Continue reading “Otherworldly things…”