Lately, I’ve been starting to “get my act together,” for whatever that means. The day job (which is seasonal and lasts just four months) has gotten me in a nice routine, as has my attempt to fully appreciate every moment I have when not in the office. I shower before bed, get to sleep at a reasonable hour after some reading, wake up to coffee and music playing while I dress for the day…..and even that has been nice. I’m taking better care of my appearance being in an office setting again….and I’ve learned. I’ve learned that my wardrobe can and should be simple and minimal while traveling, but it’s okay to keep a bin of “extras” for working months. Changing boots, jewelry, sweaters for each work day…..there’s something to be said for it. My mother (and employer) said I looked like a supermodel walking into the office the other day and I remembered her making the same comment when I worked for her over ten years ago. I guess I clean up well…..
But that’s not all I’ve been doing. After almost two years since I dropped my exercise routine, I’m working on getting back to it. It’s been a relatively slow start with work, but I’m loving it. In less than two months, I’m flying to the keys and would like to be a bit lighter by then. Debts should be paid off, even what I owe on my taxes, which is insane. I have ideas for what to do next……buying property for a tiny house, a new camper or camper van perhaps. I think I should take my time on these things…..put them on hold for at least a year. I’m in a good place from which I can rebuild, but rushing any of it would go against my present goal and challenge…..which is to see if I can turn my money into more money and also finish a book.
So, yeah, for lack of a better way to put it, I’m getting my act together. And yet, I don’t know that I’m at all fond of this verbiage. To me, it implies that I didn’t have my “act together” before and it supports the belief that we must somehow live a certain way and emanate success, order, control….or any number of other “desired” characteristics. But this isn’t at all what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is something much more personal and completely independent from what we likely have all been told our entire lives. What I’m talking about, in fact, isn’t an “act” at all….isn’t a role I’m trying to play or a person I’m trying to be. What I’m talking about is going the next step in loving life….in loving MY life….myself. Let me explain……
Any time we wish to build anew, we must tear down the old structure. An attempt to build onto or from the old is just not going to be what we really want…..ever. This is particularly true when the foundation is broken…..and that’s what I’m suggesting is the case with our current societal systems, structures, culture. We are told what to want…..and when we awaken to the desire of something different because of who we really are deep down in the core of our being, we try to marry the two. We try to marry the old with the new. Why do we do this? Because we don’t want to let go of the old…..especially when we’ve invested a large portion of our lives to it.
And yet, at some point, when we do let go…..we find out that we should have done it a lot sooner. We should have burned the structure to the ground, wandered lost and confused…..given up the “act” and having our said “act” together. Why? Because there’s freedom in that…..and in freedom, we discover ourselves. We discover what we really want. Sometimes, it takes awhile…..requires more letting go, more tearing down. Sometimes, it looks like a huge pile of rubble. Others walk by and judge. You look at the pile too, sometimes, and judge yourself.
But here’s my question for anyone in the middle of this process. Do you feel like you’re doing what you have to do for yourself, despite what anyone else might think or try to pressure you into? If so, then do it. Tear it all down……allow it to come to ruin…..your identity, financial success, your investment. Allow nature to take over and grow up in it’s place. Get a lay of the land as it IS…..allowing the past to fade and the future to come out of the fog. You might sit there a bit, but that’s okay.
One day, you’ll start again……to get your act together. And when you do, it will be glorious.
And I’ll be with you.