My experience was that I had to change something. I had to let go. I had to let go of whatever hopes and dreams to which I was still clinging and create something new. The old hopes and dreams were all dead and I knew it, but I still had been clinging to the idea that they were the only way….that they were the best way. They were the ideal path and I didn’t want to give up whatever elements of a perfect whole still remained. However, what finally became overwhelmingly and obviously clear was that until I risked those elements, gave up the picture I had in my head, and made the necessary change, I was never going to be able to fully embrace life and love and go after the things I wanted with unbounded excitement, joy, and energy. What I was holding onto was crippling me and letting go, taking a risk, and making a change was the only way to live again.
But this was my experience. When it comes to one’s children, it’s so difficult to let go of what we want for them and the right path is not always easy to see….especially when we don’t want to see it.
My question to anyone in a divorce situation with children is what are you willing to fight for when you put it all on the line? What are you going to want to save and what are you willing to do to save it? Not save it by sticking to the old path, but save it as you embark on your new journey….because, we can still lose what we don’t risk. Clinging to something out of fear of loss is, after all, the surest way to lose it.
As for me, I wanted to save the lives of my children and myself. Beyond that and despite what I previously thought I wanted for my children, I also wanted to show them a new way. I wanted to show them that you can risk, take a hold of life, and create something new. What you create may not be any more perfect than what you’ve already done, but it will be an ACTIVE effort and pursuit. It will be a chance. It will be a step forward, even if only because you took the risk and made a change. In my own case, it may have taken me awhile to decide to act, but eventually I was willing to go through hell for these things, work my ass off, and do all that was required and demanded of me upon letting go and making a change.
And here’s what I discovered. While making a change will take everything you’ve got, you’ll be ready for it . You’ll be ready because holding on to the past and inaction are the only things standing in the way of your power, energy, motivation, and hope for having the life you want. Just as letting go releases power, action and continued action renews it. Moment to moment, day to day, this is what is required. Life, love, hope, and fulfillment….all are found in the risk and pursuit, the simultaneous acceptance of the unknown, and the letting go of everything that once was and is to come. For no one knows or has any control over what tomorrow may bring, but we all know that if we lift a foot, we can take a step and THIS, I believe, is what makes all of the difference.
Jeanie Unbottled 